10.13.2008

LiviNg iN tHe pasT And MemoRies.

I wish things were different.
I wish I didn't ruin everything with all of my friends,
and create all the problems I did.

I wish they knew how much I cared,
and were really trying to look out for them.

I know they didn't care to listen.
I know I hurt them deep.
I know it wasn't the best choice at the time, but it was a choice I made.

I wish I could take it back,
but then again I don't.

They say I betrayed them..
They said I was the worst.
I was trying to help them.
Not hurt them.

But then they turned their backs,
and spread more lies.
They wouldn't listen,
They didn't trust.

Were they even really ever friends at all,
or was I just a fool once again?

I believe they had reason,
to be upset,
to feel angry,
to be hurt.

I won't deny that.
I won't deny I did wrong.

But they turned their backs
and talked about me.
Shared all secrets.
Weren't they supposed to be the ones to be trusted?
Show me how to be right from my wrong?

When people ask though;
I won't betray them.

I won't speak poorly of them.
I still dream of the future:
Somewhere down the road,
I don't want to be responsible for causing more pain,
I don't want to know I spread more lies.

You never know what the future holds still.

I was tricked you see,
Into believing that there was someone
Who would listen, without judging.
That they wouldn't hurt me like everyone else.

I've been hurt too-
They hurt me before everything went down before.
But I was still there for them.

It was such a silly thing,
Why ruin lives over a silly thing.

I wished I could take it back,
But then I wouldn't know the truth about everyone.
I wouldn't know they didn't really care:
Or want to understand me.

I was being used.
Not protected.
I was protecting.
Not using.

Through it all, I realized who really cares.
I hope to keep those people around for the rest of my life.
Because they stuck around.

They had no knives
When I was stabbed in the back.

They had the bandages to help heal,
The shoulders to cry on,
The heart to love me: No matter what.

So to you: whom I "betrayed" and hurt--
You have no more power.
You don't control me;
You don't control my emotions anymore.
I will not betray you, or stab your back.
But I will not be the fool again
And let you come back just to repeat the history.
I meant well: but that doesn't matter now.

Goodbye to the past.
Hello to the future.

2 comments:

Mason Family Blog :) said...

:(

Brad and Staci Clegg said...

I'm sorry, is this about the conversation we had not too long ago?